Are We Having Enough Sex?  Why First-Class Intimacy Matters

Are we having enough sex?

This is one of the most common questions people ask us as celebrity intimacy and relationship experts.

We all want to know if we are “normal”, and maybe even if we have a rock-star sex life that we can secretly or not-so-secretly gloat about.

Fabulous sex and intimacy are a part of a first-class life, but the real answer to this question may surprise you.

In fact, the question to ask is not so much about how MUCH sex should I/we be having but rather, what is the QUALITY of the sex – is it fulfilling, satisfying, luscious?

In other words, is it FIRST CLASS or better yet – 7 Star!?

Before we dive into what First Class Sex is, let’s consider the overarching culture that may affect your sex life.

Quantity Versus Quality

Most things in this world are measured on a scale of consumption where quantity somehow equates to being a good thing. 

Main-stream culture prizes “ready-made”, fast-food, instant gratification volume over depth, quality and meaningfulness.  

Consider how many trillions of quick-fry hamburgers are served at the golden arches.

Though we may choose Michelin Star, haute couture and NetJets, when it comes to our love life we tend to fall into the mediocrity trap of quantity, and this is a mistake. 

First Class Sex is all about quality over quantity.

Yes, you need to be having more than ABC sex – Anniversary, Birthday and Christmas sex in order to keep your relationship on track, but ‘what’s the QUALITY of that sex’ should really be the question we are asking. 

The same way you don’t want to eat off the dollar menu because it’s just empty calories, and actually toxic, sex should not be empty either.  It needs to have quality AKA depth, mutual fulfillment and meaning.  

A First-Class life includes 7-Star Sex!

Quality = Meaning

It's rare that people think about the QUALITY of sex and connection they are having. We may secretly long for better sex, but we need to ask our self:

  • What is truly meaningful? 
  • What do I really want to experience? 
  • How good could this be – for me and my partner?  
  • Why do I want this? 

We have to decide that we CAN have it all…even in the bedroom, and not settle for “ok”. We have to want 7-Star. 

What is 7-Star Sex?

7-Star Sex is a deeply fulfilling experience for both partners and it’s a means to cultivate unshakeable connection.

Fabulous sex is a key aspect of what makes a marriage strong for years and years. 

Yet, so often in marriage or relationship, sex becomes mundane, or a duty and people seek out the arms of another or they become like roommates and all of life becomes sort of flat. 

It does not have to be this way. 

But, it requires that we see intimacy and sexuality as one of the gateways to living a truly rich life, and one that we embrace in our own First-Class lifestyle. 

7 Star Sex Means:

It’s Fulfilling & Orgasmic – Both partners – male or female are satisfied and fulfilled. Though we don’t think there should be pressure around orgasm, 7-Star Sex is orgasmic. 

If you or your partner are not having an orgasm at least 95% of the time, there is an orgasm gap, and an issue.  Your partner should be focused on your fulfillment and you need to be focused on their’s. 

When both partners are on the same page and you are having 7-Star Sex, there is no orgasm gap. You’re having amazing full-body and often multiple orgasms. 

Total Transparency + Vulnerability – In order to have 7-Star Sex, we have to be willing to communicate what we need and want, and be willing to hear from our partner.

This means we have to approach each other with trust. We can’t get triggered or feel we are not enough when our lover shares. 

We have to want to connect, expand and grow, more than we want to be right. 

Sex is still triggering for many of us, but the willingness to be open, vulnerable and receptive will make a massive difference in your love life. 

How do you start?

Start by asking your partner what they might like to experience, or what you could do differently. 

This will open up communication and they will likely reciprocate by asking you the same question.  This is a chance for you to speak to the needs and desires you have never shared.

It can feel shaky the first time, but gets more comfortable with practice, and it will expand your sex life and deepen your connection. 

See It as Your Birthright, But Skillfulness As Your Duty

To experience 7-Star Sex we must embrace the idea that great sex is actually our birthright – male or female.

Then we must decide that we want to be the kind of lovers who are committed to our own ecstatic experience and the same for our partner.

Almost everyone wants to be a better lover, but so few people actually admit it or improve their skills.

The quality of sex and intimacy that is deeply fulfilling for both partners means you have a certain proficiency in the bedroom and that you are fully present, you allow yourself to be vulnerable and powerful at the same time, and that you seek to expand your connection with your partner – not just physical but also an energetic and even spiritual.

Most of us weren't taught how to be skillful sexually, so there’s no shame in wanting to improve your prowess. Seek out qualified, confidential experts who can help.

When you become a better lover, you will feel more confident in your skin and your partner will crave that intimate connection and fulfilling experience with you. 

You will never have to worry about HOW much sex you’re having because you will not only be having more sex, but more importantly, you will be having soul-satisfying, fulfilling 7-Star Sex that leaves you feeling on fire.
Shasta Townsend and Ian Lavalley are best-selling authors, married, BIPOC sex and relationship experts and are leading a global love movement based in ancient eastern thought, Indigenous wisdom and cutting edge science. Learn more at