Discover why men AND women are having unfulfilling, sex-poor relationships— and why healing your Divine Masculine energy is key for sensational sex and passionate connection.
Everyone wants the real secret to full-body, orgasmic sex and deeper connection with their lover.
But there’s a pretty big gap between so-so sex and a soul-satisfying sex life. And closing that chasm has nothing to do with using the right lube or contorting into cramp-inducing, back-breaking positions (unless that’s totally your thang).
The truth is, sacred love and hotter, wilder, soul-deep sex doesn’t happen until both partners feel safe, seen and heard. The sheets just won’t heat up until you can both express yourselves fully and be truly vulnerable.
That’s where most of us hit one of the biggest obstacles to 7-Star Love & Sex:
Boys Will Be Boys! Toxic Masculinity Explained
For decades, we’ve used terms like, ‘macho,’ ‘rugged’ or ‘he-man’ to describe the red-blooded, swashbuckling masculinity that men are supposed to be. It was expected (and accepted) for men to fight with their fists and ogle or catcall women. Boys will be boys, right?
Except, in the last few years, this type of masculinity has come under fire. Not sure why? Wikipedia defines toxic masculinity as:
“The adherence to traditional male gender roles that restrict the kinds of emotions allowable for boys and men to express, including social expectations that men seek to be dominant, the alpha male, and limit their emotional range primarily to expressions of anger.”
However, “toxic masculinity” didn’t show up until it was first used in the 1980s by psychologist, Shepherd Bliss, who was focused on separating the negative and positive traits of masculinity. She defined toxic masculinity as, “the over aspiration for physical, sexual and intellectual dominance. Plus, the systemic devaluation of women’s opinions, bodies and sense of self”.
And though this view might seem outdated in today’s super-woke #metoo world, these patterns are stopping millions of men from living the lives (or having the sex) they want. They’ve been taught— through society, the media, their friends and families— that they must be dominant and aggressive to command respect.
You’ve probably even heard it yourself when people say things like:
- Don’t be such a pussy
- Harden up, you’re such a girl
- What a beta simp!
- Where’s your balls, man?
Plus, men are given conflicting messages about expressing their emotions. It’s okay to be frustrated and angry. It’s weak to express fear to your wife and kids. It’s acceptable for an athlete to cry when he wins a championship, but shedding tears for anything else? Time to trade in your Man Card!
To make things worse, men aren’t the only ones exhibiting it. Women express toxic masculinity too. If you’re a woman, maybe you don’t think your opinions are valued by your male peers at work. Perhaps you’ve used sex so your boyfriend buys you Jimmy Choos. Maybe you’ve even laughed at your male friends for being ‘pussy-whipped.’ It’s the prevailing belief that strength is everything, and emotions are a weakness.
The Signs Of Toxic Masculinity In Men And Women
Toxic masculinity doesn’t always look like beer-drinking, chest-bumping guys in Ford pickup trucks. Here are some of the hidden signs that it’s affecting your life:
Men with toxic masculinity are:
- Emotionally closed off and scared of true intimacy
- Fucking people hard— in the bedroom, at work and in life
- Believe men should ONLY be providers and women ONLY be homemakers
- Easily threatened
- Take things personally
- Hold long-time grudges
- Seek revenge
- Blame others
- Don’t take responsibility for their actions
Men with healed masculinity:
- Desire intimate connection
- Can comfortably express emotions other than unhealthy anger/frustration
- See sex as a mental, emotional, physical, spiritual experience (not just physical gratification for himself)
- Healthy work/life balance
- Emotionally involved in family life
- Openhearted and love with passion
- Seek win-win for all people
- Desire for growth
- Have meaningful relationships in all areas of life
- Takes responsibility for actions
Women with toxic masculinity:
Living under the patriarchy for millenia, women also display toxic masculinity and imbalanced femininity that negatively impacts their lives. If you’d like to delve deeper into the imbalanced feminine, read this for more information.
For women, toxic masculinity is also rooted in the fear of being vulnerable which manifests as:
- Using sex as a weapon to control men
- Being extremely defensive
- Fear of intimacy, being honest, open or vulnerable
- Becoming overly independent or self-reliant (“I don’t need a man in my life!” thoughts and patterns)
- Won’t accept help, yet resentful about it
- Closed-hearted or ‘ice queen’ energy
- Unhealthy anger, frustration or man-hating
- Highly critical and demanding
- Inability to express needs and desires
- Expects people to be mind-readers
- Imbalanced sex hormones
- Unable to take responsibility for her actions
Women with healed masculinity are:
- Open to intimacy in relationships
- Create a healthy work/life balance
- Prioritize sex, pleasure and joy
- Take care of their well-being
- Share their feelings and desires
- Communicate their needs without meltdowns
- Courageously express thoughts and opinions
- Set appropriate boundaries
- Say YES! to what they want without guilt or shame
- Sexuality enhances their lives
- Don’t need to weaponize sex
- Comfortable being vulnerable, open and honest
- Take responsibility for their actions
Why The Pressure To Be A Man’s Man Hurts Every Area Of Life
Toxic masculinity is imbalanced masculinity, which needs to be healed to experience the mind-blowing sex and soul-deep love we all want.
Without this healing, toxic masculinity has wide-reaching unconscious consequences. The pressure that men feel to be ‘hard’ and ‘strong’ means that authentic expression and vulnerability feels like it erases who they are. They unconsciously fear losing respect and their place in society if they don’t show dominance. That’s a giant unconscious obstacle to jump— but not impossible.
In our marriage, healing toxic masculinity paved the path to sacred love and spectacular sex. For years, Ian operated from a toxic masculine place. Growing up with the generational belief that men are men and women are caretakers, he was taught that being ‘soft’ threatened his manhood. While his father loved him the best way he could, he never expressed emotions except anger, and Ian predictably followed in his footsteps.
Later, when Ian was old enough to have romantic relationships, he wasn’t able to build an authentic, intimate connection because he didn’t know how to be vulnerable. He was closed off. He couldn’t express anything but unhealthy anger and frustration. And Shasta responded by never feeling safe enough to let down her guard.
That’s the perfect recipe for misunderstandings, arguments and dull, barely-there-sex!
Eventually, Ian started to notice he wasn’t getting the results he wanted. His work was stalling. Our marriage was failing. His friendships suffered. Without realizing it, toxic masculinity was negatively impacting every part of his life.
Then, when we decided to step onto this path, Ian saw that HE was the common denominator to his problems and finally started to heal.
The Steps To Heal Toxic Masculinity For 7-Star Sex & Love
If you’re unhappy with the results you’re getting in life, it’s time to explore your patterns of toxic masculinity so you can begin to heal.
Here are some simple, effective steps to get started:
Get crystal clear on what’s NOT working
Toxic masculinity teaches men to bury the feelings, thoughts and actions that make them uncomfortable. But this isn’t sustainable. Eventually, everything explodes into a million little pieces.
Instead, face these issues head on so they can be improved. Take stock of your life and pinpoint where you’re not %100 happy, then break down the steps to turn these areas around.
It might feel scary at first, but you’ll soon reap MASSIVE results that enhance your relationships, rev up your sex, and skyrocket your life.
Take responsibility for your stories, thoughts, beliefs and actions
Once you’ve explored the areas of your life you’re not happy with, take responsibility for your part in creating them without judgement, shame, or guilt. What stories are you believing about yourself? Your partner? Your work?
Are they true? And if not, how are they influencing your actions?
Remember: This isn’t about degrading yourself. It’s an act of forgiveness that frees you to be vulnerable so you can experience the love, sex and life you want. This is where the power of transformation lies.
Notice where your patterns are coming from
Did you grow up in a family where generations of men were taught to be hard? Strong? Emotionless? Or maybe you consume media that perpetuates these beliefs?
Dig deep to trace where you learned toxic masculinity and take a stand that you’ll break the cycle for good.
Decide what you DO want
Most people create their lives based on what they DON’T want. This leads to unfulfilling careers, relationships, connections and sex.
Discover exactly what you want and explore how you can make it happen. Then break those steps down so they’re do-able.
Let go of toxic relationships
You might find that some relationships in your life are dragging you down and reinforcing the patterns of toxic masculinity. Don’t be afraid to let them go. This will make room for more satisfying relationships that uplift and fulfill you.
Get expert help and mentorship
Toxic masculinity runs deep into the unconscious and can be extremely difficult to heal on your own. That’s why they’re blindspots— we can’t see them!
By having a real-life model of healed masculinity to follow, like Ian & Shasta, you don’t have to waste anymore time living a life you don’t love, take wrong turns, or find your way in the dark.
Experience The Power Of Healed Masculinity And Have The 7-Star Sex & Love You Deserve
Are you struggling with patterns of toxic masculinity in your own life?
This a sacred invitation to heal your Divine Masculine energy so you can have the deliciously divine sex, soul-deep connection and sensational life you deserve.
As world-leading relationship sexperts and married relationship consultants, we work with individuals and couples all over the world who are fed up with bad sex and even worse relationships. We embody the Divine Masculine & Feminine so you can apply these blissfully potent energies in yourself.
This is powerful work that transforms every part of your life (and finally magnetizes the hot, committed, passionately fulfilling relationship you crave).
If you’d like to discover the Teachings to heal your masculine energy, awaken your sacred sexual power, and create the relationship of your dreams, schedule a call with us now.
Life’s too short for anything less than soul-deep, committed love and juicy, spontaneous sex so transcendent it wakes the neighbors.