Most women grow up admiring role models like Disney’s The Little Mermaid. But what they don’t know is how damaging its message of toxic femininity hurts their love & sex lives.
Most people don’t think of Disney movies when they’re trying to create hotter sex and deeper connection with their partner.
For years, Disney has been criticized for contributing to gender tropes and standards of beauty that set up impossible expectations for women.
But the damage goes so much deeper.
While toxic masculinity — which you can read more about here— has been the latest media focus, the toxic femininity seen in Disney movies like The Little Mermaid blocks women AND men from having the fulfilling relationship (and deliciously hot sex) they want.
What Is Toxic Femininity, Anyway?
Times are a’changin’, and the world is finally waking up and accepting that women are equal, valuable members of society.
That’s a great thing! However, when the Divine Feminine energy becomes imbalanced, it manifests in toxic thoughts, patterns and behaviors that hold us back from the sensational sex, love (and life!) we deserve.
Although it hasn’t been studied as much as toxic masculinity, Toxic Femininity has been best defined by journalist, Katie Anthony, where she says:
“It’s a thing women have to do to keep our value, which the patriarchy has told us is conditional on our ability to bear violent domination.”
Basically, it’s the unconscious belief that women with passion, clarity, her own desires and voice aren't safe, valuable or attractive to men. That, to find a loving relationship, a woman should be “ideally feminine” (ie: polite, passive, overly-giving, petite and quiet). And it’s extremely damaging and toxic.
Why The Little Mermaid Is The Perfect Role Model For Toxic Femininity
Since the dawn of time, humans have used stories to teach cultural expectations, which we then tell ourselves. And, although messages of toxic femininity are everywhere, Ariel from The Little Mermaid wears the toxic crown.
In the story, Ariel has to give up her voice to land the man of her dreams. She’s forced to give up her God-given gift in exchange for love and passion. This message, that a woman can’t have a voice and man too, has been taught to women for centuries.
How Toxic Femininity Hurts Our Lives Today
Although more women than ever before are stepping into leadership roles, toxic femininity is still very much alive in our culture. Because women are unconsciously taught to be sweet, polite, and quiet, it means they don’t voice their needs, wants and desires— in the bedroom, in relationships, or at work.
Do you recognize these patterns in your life? Maybe you feel like a bitch if you speak up. Perhaps you see women standing up for their needs and think they’re “Karens.” Or maybe you’re scared to be called a ‘Karen’ yourself— worried people will think you’re overstepping and entitled.
However, there are tons of hidden ways that toxic femininity might show up in your life:
Signs of Toxic Femininity in Women:
- Playing ‘weak’ or ‘dumb’ to get out of responsibility
- Martyr complex: giving up everything to please others
- Insecure or needy
- Scared to speak her mind, needs, wants or desires
- “I’m not like other girls” thinking
- Judging other women for their choices (being single, homemakers, childless, ‘hoes,’ successful, outspoken, etc.,)
- Pressure to be beautiful (makeup, heels, plastic surgery, yo-yo dieting)
- Worried men don’t want a _____ woman (smart, strong, talented, loud, plus-sized, flat-chested, anything not “ideally feminine”)
Most of all, these patterns stop women from expressing themselves fully and being vulnerable with their partners— which is THE foundation for committed, passionate love and orgasmic sex that satisfies your soul.
Screw Ariel. Healing The Divine Feminine For 7-Star Sex & Love
Under the patriarchy, women have developed survival patterns for the last 4-5 thousand years. Wanting to feel safe and loved, they’ve learned that being unseen and unheard is the best way to navigate the aggression and dominance of toxic masculinity.
In our relationship, Shasta had to heal these patterns of toxic femininity to heal, which helped us create the juicy sex and love life we enjoy now.
Growing up, Shasta lived in an imbalanced environment where her stepfather was a rageaholic, alcoholic, and mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Her mother responded with a pattern of toxic femininity. She survived by being unseen and unheard. And this pattern was generational; it existed in her grandmother and aunts too.
This taught Shasta that having her own voice was dangerous, and had ramifications in every area of life. She couldn’t express her needs in our marriage. She didn’t speak her truth in her business for fear of being seen as a ‘bitch’. She secretly thought she was too emotional, too sensitive, too wrong when conflicts arose. From her business to our intimacy, toxic femininity was blocking the results she wanted. And Ian responded with anger, frustration and patterns of toxic masculinity that interfered with his success and our marriage.
It was a big, hot mess! But it wasn’t until we both took responsibility for the patterns we created and the stories we believed about ourselves, our relationship and the world that everything changed.
Steps To Start Balancing The Feminine In You
All humans have the Divine Masculine and Feminine within us. Neuroscience teaches us that the brains of men and women are similar; it’s our socialization that shapes our beliefs about feminine and masculine. The good news? We get to define what that means for ourselves.
But healing only takes place when we examine those beliefs and change the toxic ones. That’s when we start living the authentic, fulfilling, abundant life we all want.
Here’s how to get started whether you’re a woman OR a man with toxic femininity patterns:
- Stop being a people-pleaser
The balanced feminine knows she’s inherently valuable.
You don’t have to over-extend yourself to receive love. Instead of giving to get brownie points, manipulate, or get something back, shift into giving ONLY if it feels good.
- Communicate without passive-aggressiveness
Try to observe yourself in your interactions. Are you using sarcasm to make a point? Think people should ‘just know’ what you want?
Even though it might feel uncomfortable, communicate your needs and wants. Be more assertive and set healthy boundaries.
Start with doing it once everyday, and you’ll start seeing results in AND outside the bedroom.
- Move out of submissive behavior
Instead of always keeping the peace which can become extremely toxic, shift into compassion. But compassion isn’t about being “nice.” It’s about knowing what’s best to do in every situation.
Sometimes, you’ll go with the flow. Other times, you might need to call out bad behavior. That’s how the balanced feminine operates in her relationships.
- Get clear on what you want
Instead of avoiding what you DON’T want, make a clear-cut list of what you do want— in your relationships, your business, your sexuality, and your life. Then, take small steps towards them for a more authentic, fulfilling existence.
- Source love
The balanced feminine doesn’t feel needy or insecure. She doesn’t have to give up her voice to land the man. By sourcing love, you love yourself, stand firmly in yourself, and end up attracting those who love you as you are.
- Enjoy your sexuality
Don’t become a martyr in the sheets (or in life). Do what you really want to do, and allow sexuality to be an exploration of your goodness, your passion, your creative force, your pleasure and your joy.
Not Sure How To Do It Yourself?
Changing deep, shadowy patterns like toxic femininity can be extremely difficult because they exist on an unconscious level. We’re not always aware when they’re operating in our lives, how their repelling partners, or ruining the spectacular sex we want.
That’s where we come in. As top married relationship consultants and sexperts, we’ve helped individuals and couples all over the globe create the delectably divine sex and deeply passionate connections they want.
Because we want you to truly have it all: Spine-tingling sex. Soul-connected love. Abundance, success and awakened sexual power.
And it starts here. We embody the Divine Masculine & Feminine so you can step onto the potent pathway to sacred love.
If you’d like to balance your Divine Feminine, heal, and start enjoying the cosmic sex & love of a 7-Star Life, book a call with now.
It’s time to awaken to your birthright.