Trauma – How It Manifests + How to Heal

Ian: Welcome to Sexellence your NOT SO DIRTY secret to great sex and a good life.

Shasta: We are Ian Lavalley and Shasta Townsend. Married, income and intimacy success mentors.

We help people create better connection, relationship and have better sex…and make more money…

and everything we teach and talk about comes from our experience and proven methods and not some dry text book or studious sex course. It’s real stuff you can use. 

Ian: Today we are speaking about trauma. This is a sensitive subject but we feel we must speak to it, and share our transparent stroies on how we healed, and went on to create a future we wanted.

Shasta: As well, we receive a lot of questions about trauma including: How do I know IF past trauma is affecting me and my relationship now, and what do I do about it.

We aren’t clinical psychologists but we have largely healed this in ourselves and helped our clients do the same.

Also, what we share today is our stories and how we worked this out in relationship and in ourselves. But if you are experiencing significant mental or emotional pain and struggle, please do seek out professional help.

Ian: What was your past trauma and what did that look like?

Understanding most of us are living in a pattern that was developed over a course of years. Most of us don’t look at the pattern we are living in.

Most of us assume how we are thinking is accurate.

We assume also that our partner thinks this way or

Instead of creating the future, we are creating what happened in the past or reacting to the past again and again.

Forgive yourself for the past. Forgive and acknowledge other aspects of your past.

Both of us were living in past perceptions of our life, love and sex, and projecting that onto each other.

Not checking in with one another in a non-judgemental way to see what the other person needed or wanted.

And even being in a place to hear it.


Ian: Thank you for listening to Sexellence. If you have comments, feedback or are seeking more support please visit our website at You can get a copy of our manifesto, get on the first to know list about retreats, events and course and also ask a question or share a story too. We read them all.

Shasta: Also be sure to subscribe to Sexellence Podcast, and leave us a review. We read every one of those too.

We also seeking to start a revolution in the bedroom – more sex, more satisfaction, more love, more success and taking that back in our life.  If you have a friend or lover who could benefit please share this with them too…We are your not so dirty secret.

In upcoming episodes we talk about how to identify the toxic masculine pattern and what to do as well as the toxic feminine. So be sure to subscribe to get those dropped into your favorite podcast platform.